The other day a friend and I purchased a Wii
game from a medium-sized game retailer. Yes, I have a Wii and I’m over the age
of 7. It was a gift, really. Stop judging me already. Anyway the following morning
I had noticed that there were about 13 different price stickers on the front
and back of the case. I may be exaggerating a bit but it’s my story and there isn't any
photographic evidence to contradict my story so take my word for it. Moving on,
because most the games I purchase for my other consoles (see, I am an adult)
are new I had forgotten that price stickers are burned into the case through
the same process as ranches brand their cattle. So feeling lucky I decided to
attempt, a term to be used very loosely, removing them. I tried using my
fingernails which only removed about half of the sticker. Now I don’t think there
is anything more exhilarating feeling than slowly peeling the sticker back and revealing
if there is any adhesive remaining. I
would imagine it is the same adrenaline rush as bungee jumping or winning the
Power-ball lottery or blasting off in a space shuttle. Then of course there is
no worst feeling of hope lost a human can feel than when the sticker is peeled back
and the world’s strongest concentration of adhesive is revealed. All hope is
lost, cancel all plans made and pull up a chair because it’s going to be a long
day. This of course meant I would be spending the next week using a SOS pad,
blowtorch, and angle grinder to remove the remaining branding left behind.
Again, my story. Some people have claimed that when extremely stressed they
experience a white flash and black out for that moment. I cannot confirm this
but I believe in my own flash of white rage I may have used my teeth at one
point in a futile attempt to loosen the stickers. After what felt like were days I
was able to remove the brands which unfortunately didn't come without a price.
The plastic covering that protects the case had what seem to look like claw
marks from where the Great Eagle had tried to carry the game case so it
could drop it into Mount Doom where the stickers were forged originally. To the person who created this abomination of mankind and the companies that think it's a great idea I ask only one simple favor: Stop.
